Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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