Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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