In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
