i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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