the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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