You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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