I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
