just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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