Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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