I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
