I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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