found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
