He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
