Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize