I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
