I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
