But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
