either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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