is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
