Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize