I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
