Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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