just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
