I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
