Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
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I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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