Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
