I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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