girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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