i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
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Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
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omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
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