I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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