i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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