She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
