She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
