i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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