We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
