I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
