are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
