I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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