Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
