Screwed.edu
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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