Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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