he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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