well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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