my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
