i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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