He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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