bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
