New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
