dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i drank out of a bidet.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
