i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
