Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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