I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
