I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
