I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
