i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
