How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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