Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
