Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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