your thong is hanging out like whoa
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
