my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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