I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
